The One Where I Told the Physio that Running Was My Horcrux

I cannot BELIEVE it’s only Tuesday (I’m backdating this post a day, because i have more than one post to post because soooo much has happened already).  Is everyone else having a nice week?  I hope so!

As you know from my last post, I went off to my postural alignment, foam-rolling and yoga workshop on Saturday and it seemed to work miracles, like, I was in so much less pain on Sunday!  It was amazing, I really couldn’t believe it.  Then I decided to see how it would go for a run on Sunday morning … because if you’re feeling all fixed, why not risk fucking it up right?!  It was such a lovely morning and I really really wanted to try to run and see how it went.

image2So off I pootled and the first kilometre was … interesting!  I didn’t feel smooth at all – so jagged and so doddery, I had no rhythm and my left leg was coming down so much harder than the right plus it was landing far further back on my foot than usual.  I’m normally a forefoot striker and I had no idea how hard it was to heel strike – OMG seriously, how do people do that?!  After the first kilometre though everything fell into place more – my foot relaxed and I relaxed and I began to enjoy myself soooo much more.  The more I relaxed the more my gait seemed to lengthen and smoothen, although I was still worried  that my gait was seriously uneven and I’d be stiffening on the right.  In order to prevent anything too bad happening, I stopped every kilometre or so to check that nothing seemed to be too stiff, but luckily all felt fine.   I was super-tempted to go further than the 5km I’d decided I was allowed to run (the physio told me I could do 1km, whaddyagonnado) but to be sensible (RWAHAHA) I just did the 5km … and 670 metres but who’s counting?  I was so so terrified that it would seize again, so when I got home it was straight onto the foam roller and the tennis ball for an hour.  After a shower I then headed off to the grocery store to do my weekly shopping to keep moving and … it didn’t seize at all!!!!  I spent all day keeping a sharp eye on it but it was soooo well behaved all day.  Good job back/foot!!!!

IMG_6905Obviously I had to confess to my physio that I’d run 5km but he could hardly say anything given that I walked in pretty much normally.  He tried to tell me I was being silly, and I am being silly … I am perfectly well aware of that.   But it’s not like I’m doing this just to be in pain … I’ve given some real thought to this and I’ve come to the inevitable conclusion that running is my horcrux.  Yup.  I don’t recall murdering anyone to get it though?  But however I got it, when I feel like I can’t run, I feel like someone’s stabbing a tiny part of my soul with a basilisk fang … especially when there’s no given end date, people KEEP ON TELLING ME that I’ve just got to be patient and these things take time and no-one really knows how long it will be, it’s nerve damage and it can take weeks or months or years.  Well fuck that, I’ve got better things to do than wait around for my body to realise there’s nothing wrong with it and if  no-one else can fix it I’ll damn well do it myself.

It’s obviously still not 100% better (not even close – in fact the physio is sending me off to a specialist the week after next to try and establish why it’s gone off on one now) but I truly truly believe that I can fix this myself.  It’s gotten a million times better with all the foam rolling, the tennis balling and the stretching – not to mention my newly realigned spine and pelvis – and I have a few more ideas on  how to help it.  Stay tuned!

xx

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